Whenever The Dude In Cammies deploys he is completely gone before he actually leaves....you can see it in his eyes and hear it in his voice. He stops looking at me. He looks over me. There is zero eye contact. His voice becomes serious and matter of fact. I am basically now one of his troops being left behind to take care of his little troops. He gives me his last bit of advice almost like a briefing. It literally sounds like the guy who gives you the mandatory power point presentation telling you something you already know. Than it is the one armed hug, and he is gone. This was the most reserved i have ever seen him. I know this deployment is bad. He has only shared a few things with me because he knows how much i worry but he also knows how much i read and that i read the newspapers of other countries. He was surprised i knew so much about his location and missions. I showed him the reporter i follow. He said everything was accurate. I knew it was.....he lives in a very scary world. I understand him already checked out emotionally. I don't cry. I smile. I tell him i love him and we will be fine and not to worry about anything in NC, that i have the easy job, for him to just do his job and come back to us and we will be waiting to pick him up. I get the little half smile and a tiny glance into my eyes, itty bitty tiny glance before he quickly looks away while kissing my forehead. I know he didn't even want to do that, but he did. He loves me more than anything and i know leaving is hard and he won't show that, ever, and i won't cry and have him feel that pain when he leaves....he can see me smile blinking back tears.....i think he can handle that as he flies back to the depths of hell.
